I just wish I wasn't a klutz. I resolve not to be a klutz on many occassions. When I fall down soberly on the streets of Chelmsford on the way to Scotty's house, for example. Not even on Cobblestone, just a regular street and I went down like a ton of bricks. When I spill coffee on my shirt and have to wear a scarf all day long to cover it up. The list could go on for days. Soberly I am spilly and awful enough, so add alcohol and I am basically a walking booby trap. Coming anywhere in my vacinity can and will result in you wearing your drink, or even catching my stumbly butt as I trip into you. Without further ado, here are some stories about my recent klutzy, menacing behaviour.
Christmas Party #1 - Full Wilmington Staff Christmas Party
Dani goes dancing into Ryan, who in turn drops his glass mug of beer, which smashes into tiny pieces all over the dancefloor (My lovely head of Department, Bernie then shouts "Bloody foreigners!" at us as we awkwardly shuffle around trying to help the staff clean up the mess - well played Bernadette, well played. Absolute hilarity ensued).
Christmas Party #2 - The Ugly Christmas Sweater Party
Alexis, Ang and Ryan threw an Ugly Christmas Sweater Party (to which Ryan wore a sweater he borrowed off of a sixth-former - hilarious). The story is detailed below, however, missing from it is my klutzy happenstance. Alexis and Ang put out this lovely spread of snacks; chips and dips and crackers and cheese and yummy, yummy stuff. In our lovely Christmas sweaters, we went to pose for pictures. I placed my heaping glass of red wine down on the table beside the lovely snacks (and white tablecloth, I may add). You can see where this is going. I swing my arm to grab the person next to me and send my glass of red wine flying across the prestine white table cloth into the nacho dip. Sorry fellow partygoers, I am a hazard!
Christmas Party #3 - Humanities + Canadians Staff Dinner at The Flying Boat (the local pub)
Dani is treated rather hilariously by the Head of Humanities. He openly (pretends?) to hate my existance. He blames me for anything and everything that is missing from the Humanities office on me, calls me the English outsider, etc. So you can imagine his (fake?) chagrin when I sat down at the table he had reserved for us, and immediately set my glass (of red wine, again) on that lumpy spot where two tables meet and of course, my glass spilled across the table. Woops! Ryan replaced my red wine with a pint of beer (much less detrimental when spilled was the reasoning, I believe), and Kari and I immediately went nuts over our Christmas Crackers and as I yanked excitedly on my end I pulled my arm back and spilled that full pint of beer right into my lap. Unfortunate. Uncomfortable. Resulting in hilarious mocking from the whole Hums staff. On the upside, due to my unfortunate situation, people had to fetch drinks for me all night long.
How does a single person cause this much commotion?
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