Couch-surfing and being a foreigner really got the better of me. Every damn coffee shop or pub or restaurant in this stupid country serves fake coffee. If you order coffee you get a latte. Or a cappuccino. Or an espresso. Never coffee. Never REAL coffee. WHERE THE FUCK IS THE TIM HORTONS? So today in a smoker-like, blood-boiling state of coffee-withdrawal, I walked up to the lady at the coffee place and asked for a coffee. To which she replied “Latte or Cappuccino?”
“No! Coffee.....please”
“Sorry?”
“I want you to POUR the brown, caffeinated stuff out of the machine and then just STOP. Just STOP what you are doing. Don’t add foam. Don’t stir it up. Just stop. And hand it to me.”
“So you want an Americano, with no milk?”
“I want a coffee. Black coffee.”
“An Americano with no milk, Miss?”
“Sure.”
After almost jumping over the counter and crushing the woman’s head with my bare hands, I had the Americano, no milk, and it was the closest to black coffee I’ve had since arriving in the country. Well done, lady. (I have since found out that regular coffee in Canada is called “filter coffee” here and have been leading a much healthier lifestyle since).
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